What About Him?

I was listening to a conversation on my commute home. A man was talking to a female friend about his wife who has been struggling to lose weight. He was saying that he didn't know how to support her through her lows, which usually included depression. The woman clarified that the wife wanted to lose weight for herself, and not because of something he had said. She went on to explain how personal weight loss is for women. It's a struggle, frequently filled with wavering self worth. Having him ask his wife simple questions like 'Are you going to the gym today?' can feel like a personal attack to her. If he says he doesn't want to get involved that could lead to her feeling abandoned. If he talks to her the way he talks to his buddies on the golf course, she would completely shut down to that mocking, tough guy, coach approach.

As she was explaining all of this, I couldn't believe my ears. As an outsider it sounded so ridiculous that this husband seemed to be in a lose-lose situation. But at the same time I completely understood everything she was saying about the wife's perspective. I felt it rang true to my own life. When I get all amped up and start going to the gym every day for about three weeks straight, my boyfriend will say he's proud of me. And honestly, I get so frustrated by it! I feel like, I don't want him to be proud of me for working out because I know that I always eventually stop working out and then I feel like I'm disappointing him. What's worse is he will occasionally congratulate me on my progress by taking me to a lovely meal, which just reinforces my issues with food as a reward.

So what are guys to do? There are really good guys out there who love us no matter what, and yet somehow we put them in these impossible situations. I know it's not intentional. But that doesn't make it any easier on them. Considering how hard it is for us to deal with the daily battle, I don't know if we have the bandwith to consider his feelings about it as well.